Procrasti-nahilldoitlater
This will be shoddy.
It is 11:24 PM on a Monday night. I have just returned from working at Rogers Ice Cream and Burgers. While there, I scoop ice cream, and flip (guess it) burgers. I have just realized that I have an article due for the Illuminati Wednesday. P.S. for anyone who can write, you can do this too. But wait, the article is due Wednesday and I am writing it Monday night. Now, what would you call that? That is called motivation, but that is, fortunately, not what this article is about. This article is about procrastination, my other skill. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am very good at what I do, and procrastination is one of the things I do. So, have no qualms about my qualifications in this subject, but before I get sidetracked, let’s dive in.
To better describe the complex and vast field that is procrastination, I will examine its affect on my own life, starting in fourth grade. Now, as you all know, fourth grade was a great time for me, I would consider it my peak. I had straight A’s, a scooter, lots of fourth grade friends, and a bowl cut. Now, you may ask, “What happened?” I’ll tell you what happened, I ate the fruit of knowledge. I did not eat this fruit in fifth or sixth grade; I merely eyed it warily, wondering how it got into my life and when it would leave. However, in seventh grade, after years of curiosity and confusion, I sank my teeth deep into the fruit and discovered my lack of purpose. What I discovered is a simple cause for procrastination: There are so many better things to be doing than homework. You have no idea.
After I ate the fruit of knowledge I started to devote myself to my new faith, missing some deadlines and barely scraping by others. I had started down the path. Perhaps this was the reason for my straight D average I achieved that year, or perhaps, as I suspect, I was simply wronged. Either way, I had stopped turning things in on time, and I was consistently coming up short of expectations. Now, many of my well-adjusted, mature, seventh grade colleagues decided that they would postpone gratification. If they wanted to do something, they would do their homework first. Favorite TV show? How about some English? Local rodeo? Let’s see if you can buck that pre-algebra! Mother in hospital? That is just the science of life, my friend. I could not achieve this academic foresight, however, and I lived a life of instant gratification. Once I started I could not stop.
This brings me to my next point: procrastination is like freight train, a late one, but more importantly, something that does not stop easily. Once you lose one assignment, you lose them all, and you find yourself pushing a vacuum for Carl. If I remembered anything from my math classes, I would tell you that it builds exponentially, but I don’t think I read that chapter. The beginning of each school year for the last six years started the same for me, I would try to work hard for about a week or so, I’d lose steam and stop turning things in, and then I’d be fighting an uphill battle, which is not something you want to be doing.
So, forgive me for growing up a little, but this article is here to warn you against procrastinating, which is probably what several worried teachers (the ones that aren’t from Indiana) reading this article are waiting for me to say. Control the freight train, do your homework, and visit your mother in the ER later, there will always be another accident. Don’t do it for glory, for GPA, or even for God, do your homework for self-respect and a dedication to education. Do all of this and do it on time, and you will become whatever you want to be: an accountant, an ornithologist, or a gladiator. Hopefully the latter.
P.S. If you were wondering what sort of fruit it was, the fruit of knowledge I mentioned earlier. It wasn’t an apple or anything like that. It was a kiwi.
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