A dowry related crime

We left Mamallapuram yesterday and headed south west to Thiruvinamali. I ended up really liking Mamallapuram, my initial thoughts and criticisms of the place dissolved as we saw more and experienced more. Although it is still a travelers enclave this fact doesn't bother me as much as it did initially.

We took a taxi to Thiruvinamali. It was about a four hour journey. For much of the time we sped along roads that were nearly overgrown with vegetation. There is so much plant life here it's wild. The tress grew over the roads creating a tunnel like effect. Our driver was quiet but nice enough. He stopped to get lunch in a little town that remains unnamed.

Thiruvinamali, our destination, is a very holy and unique town. It is right at the base of Mount Auranchala, a holy mountain in India. It's the home of many gurus and ashrams. We our staying at an Ashram called Trivini II. The people who live here are some friends of ours. They have been living in India for eight years and know a lot about India and her customs.

Talking to them for any length of time is an education. Although my mom and I both have many many so far we have simply listened to what they have volunteered. Volker and Uta (they're from Germany) adopted twins about one year ago. The girls are Indian and were taken from the state of Tamil Nadu. While talking about the adoption process they began to tell us about the social conditions in India that lead to the adoption of little girls.

Dowries, which are sums of money the woman's family has to pay to the man's family, are usually very expensive. They are a must in any traditional Indian wedding. For this reason having a boy is preferred to having a girl. For rich families it isn't too big of a problem. They can marry the girl off to a nice family because they have plenty of money. For poor families, however, it can be a huge problem.

Not having enough money to marry the girl into a nice family means that the brides family has to pick a not so nice family. This usually means that the man is an alcoholic, which usually means that he will beat his wife. For parents who love their children this is a terrible choice to have to make. They know their daughter will be beaten and abused. They know she won't have much of a life. So, often instead of subjecting the daughter to this future the kill the infant girl.

The Indian government is trying to provide options for poor mothers by setting them up with social workers who then get the baby girls to orphanages. It doesn't always work but it's much better than what would happen.

Learning about this is really good for me. Up until this point we had only really seen suffering that appeared to be imposed on the people. The poverty and terrible living conditions can be blamed on the state or central governments lack of money or refusal to help. I had seen India as a terribly poor place. A terribly dirty place. But I had somehow forgotten, or willed myself to forget, that people are still cruel here. That people still determine the worth of a life based upon gender.